The approaching new year

I wonder how I will be when the clock strikes 12 on new years eve. Will I be relieved? Will I have closure? Will I cry knowing my baby is not starting the new year with us? So many different thoughts are in my head regarding the new year. It gives me some sort of hope but at the same time, I feel like I'm leaving Jack behind. All I know is that I am hoping that it's a better year than this one was. 2011 is officially the worst year of my life.