I will never get to experience labor pains. It may be weird to some, but it makes me sad. I will never get to feel the labor and contractions even if I do get pregnant again. Sometimes I regret deciding to do a C-section with Jack but at that moment, that was the decision I made and I can't take it back. I didn't think I would be able to handle delivering Jack vaginally. Sean said if I have to blame someone for that decision, I can blame him. I just wish it could have gone "normally". I pictured it so many times:
In the middle of the night, I would wake up with labor pains telling Sean "it's time". We would grab Jack's and my bag and head to the hospital. I would call Caroline and she and my other friends would be excited for me (instead of sympathetic). We would check in with smiles on our face and nerves mixed with emotions of excitement instead of misery. And I would push for hours with Sean by my side. And our end result would be beautiful baby Jack breathing, crying, heart beating.
God, why did this happen??
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