Jack should be here

I hate that I've become this person who is scared to attend her best friends baby shower. I hate that I have to avoid going to things like birthday parties because I'm afraid of babies. And I hate that I'm scared to touch my friends' children bc I feel like I'll have a meltdown. Jack should be here so I can show him off to the world. I should have him here in my arms instead of the emptiness I feel. More tears....