Disbelief

I still can't believe that I am pregnant. It hasn't hit me that another baby is growing inside of me. I will feel something going on and wonder, "oh shit! is that the baby? I forgot about it." No, I'm not feeling movement yet. It's usually just gas or my stomach growling. I was JUST pregnant with Jack and I have felt phantom kicks after losing him for some time so it's not like I don't know what movement feels like. I just can not believe I have another little person growing inside of me. I just hope and pray (pfff...) that this baby will come home with me. I picture how it will be being handed a live baby. But then I shake my head and picture Jack being given to me, asleep, forever... I'm so scared that will happen again. I wish we could know the future in these situations. I just want to know that everything will be ok. I want to know that I don't have to stress and worry. Ever since Jack, my wishes and desires don't seem to come true so I don't know why I try.