Insensitivity

There are some people who don't get it. I understand, you won't understand what I am going through unless you have gone through it yourself, but come on. A little sensitivity please. My son died. How else can I put it in a way to say how hard it is. He is DEAD. Dead. My baby boy died before I could raise him and watch him grow. DEAD. Yes I'm pregnant again, but do you know how many mixed emotions comes with that? I'm happy I'm pregnant, then I feel guilty for feeling happy. I'm scared that it will happen again. I want to be happy but I don't want to be attached. It's an emotional roller coaster that is a CRAZY ride. I am literally scared of babies and kids. I am afraid that being around them will cause me to have a meltdown. And even more, when I see babies that are the age that Jack should be, I can't handle it. I look at them, and I'll ALWAYS look at them, and think: "that should be Jack". Even if I have 10 kids, I will look at those kids at whatever age they are and think that should be Jack. What the hell makes ANYONE think that would be easy for me? Or even something I can handle? I would think that people who are parents would get it. I would think that they could at least try to put themselves in my shoes and try to imagine their lives without their babies. It hurts, doesn't it? And time doesn't take the pain away. The pain will NEVER go away so stop asking when I will get over it. I will just learn to live with the pain but it will never, EVER go away. I will never be over the loss of my son.