I can't describe this fear, this gut wrenching, heart breaking fear to you. Second to actually losing Jack, this fear is the worst feeling in the world. I barely slept last night. All I thought about was the worst. Every time I woke up, I reached for my belly and begged Samantha to move for me. That's the only thing that would lull me back to sleep. I felt another panic attack coming on at 1:00 in the morning but remained calm squeezing Sean's sleeping arm and hand, telling myself that everything will be ok. Oh please. Do you think my brain believed that one? I can't wait for August to come to know how I'll meet my little girl: dead or alive. And I can't wait for it to come so I can have some relief from this constant fear that literally hurts.
Time to try to sleep some more. I'm "seeing" Sam at 1:30 this afternoon at least.
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