17 days

When we lost Jack, I counted days as they went up and up and up. I can't believe so many days have passed since that dreaded day. Now as August 8th gets closer, I'm doing the opposite. In 17 days, we should know if we will be bringing home our daughter. Do I wish it was Jack? Of course I do, but I am so grateful for Samantha and I know I can't put any blame or heartache on her. It's just so hard. For both Sean and me. We are nervous of losing her. We are nervous of actually bringing home a baby. We are wishing it was Jack. We can't wait to meet Samantha. So many different emotions all balled up in our hearts and minds. It's something that I can't really describe. The feeling of anticipation plus the feelings of guilt and heartache all mixed up with sadness and fear. I never wish this on anyone. Ever....