Another first

Sean and I took Samantha for her first airboat ride yesterday. It's something I've looked forward to and it's something I always wish I could have done with Jack. Pretty soon after our loss, Sean and I went out there alone and all I could think about was how I wish he was with us. Now, whenever we do firsts with Samantha, I can only think how he should have had them too. Now, the only way he takes part is around my neck. It pains me so badly that my son is dead. My son can never experience the world like his sister can. He never even got to meet us. The question of why arises once again. Why was he taken from us? Why didn't he get to hold my hand or see me? Why couldn't I hear him cry? Why couldn't he experience all the firsts that Samantha is experiencing now?
Ugh I could go on and on and on....