The approaching day

Mother's Day is approaching fast. Last year, I was miserable. I was heart broken. And all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry. It was a day I looked forward to for a very long time. It was a day I wanted to share with my family. It was a day that was supposed to be all about me. About me as a mom. This year, it will be different. It will be hard. I will still be sad and heart broken. I will still wish it was different. But this year, I have Samantha with me. I have Samantha to hold. I have Samantha's life to celebrate. I have my daughter with me to spend time with. But I'm a mother of two and one of my children does not get to be here to celebrate me as his mother. One of my children doesn't get to take part in what we do as a family. Instead, we have to just remember him and keep his memory alive. We will be at Rocky Lake on Mother's Day. And to me, that's exactly where I need to be. I get to be with Sam and I get to be with Jack (where we laid his ashes). It's going to be a bittersweet day. I am so happy to have Samantha in my life. She is my daughter and I love her beyond words and emotions. But I am still missing Jack on my second Mother's Day and I will always wish he was with us. And I know people won't acknowledge him or that I actually was a mother last year too. Instead, people will think this is my first Mother's Day. Remember that a mother who went through a loss is still a mother.