The day I am dreading

As the months go by, I know Mother's Day is approaching. I am truly dreading this day as I know it will be yet another very hard day that I won't be able to handle. It was a day that I looked forward to because I could finally celebrate that day as a mom. As a mom to Jack. I know I am still his mother and always will be, but how do I celebrate a day when my son is dead? In a "lucky" sense, I will not have to spend the day with my mother because she won't even know what day it is. I plan to spend that day in bed, in tears.