Hurting

It hurts so bad. 6 months. 6 freaking months. I can not believe I am in this position of grieving my dead son. Yet I am trying my best to be happy about expecting my daughter. My emotions are torturing me to say the least. I feel happy and get my mind off things by spoiling my daughter with clothes that I find, but then I feel guilt for leaving Jack behind. We have moved his urn and picture into the living room. I look at him more now. But then I feel sad that he has been moved out of his room. I'm such a mix of emotions. It hurts. So bad.