God and stuff

Sunday is Samantha's baptism. My views on God and other religious things have changed quite drastically since losing Jack. Sean and I both have asked ourselves how could God do this to us,  to an innocent baby, to everyone that was involved? When it happened, we both questioned God's existance. We couldn't handle a church service or a funeral, but our family wanted one. Jack was not baptised at the hospital because the priest said they don't do that for dead babies. Ouch, that hurt. Instead, his ashes were blessed at the church. My sister was there. Jack's godmother. And now, on Sunday, we are baptising our daughter. Yet another thing that I pictured doing with my son. Yet another thing that I will take part in with my beautiful daughter and I will be torn between happiness and sadness.