Christmas

This Christmas season is very bittersweet for me. I am looking forward to spending it with Samantha. I can't wait to celebrate her first Christmas, her first time opening presents, her first time wearing a Christmas dress, her first time taking part in our family's traditions. But then it's another Christmas without Jack. It's another Christmas that I will be missing my son. It's another Christmas that I don't get to buy him presents and dress him up. It's another Christmas that Jack will be forgotten by friends and family because he's not here. And now it's my first Christmas without my father. He will be missing from the family table. His seat at our Polish Wigilia will be empty. My mother will not have him by her side. And even sadder, she won't even realize it. Do I wish I could just skip Christmas? Sure. But it's Samantha's first Christmas and I hope that amazing feeling will outweigh all the rest. I just wish her brother and grandfather would be here to celebrate it with her.