Maybe it's the weather or maybe my last post was too good to be true, but I'm feeling pretty gloomy today. Thoughts of Jack and my father swallow my heart. Stress over the months to come fill my head. And the dark clouds outside don't help. I expect bad days still. I know my heart and mind are not healed even after having Samantha and even after over a year. Today is one of those days when I'm constantly on the verge of tears. It's one of those days when my heart literally hurts and the terrible feeling is in the pit of my stomach. These days don't happen as often anymore, but they are still there. And I have to try my hardest not to let Samantha (or Nathan) feel it. Through the tears, I tell Samantha that I love her and that will never change. Through the tears I squeeze her tight. Through the tears I let her know that I am her mother and the love and devotion I feel her will always be present.
It was written perfectly in Still Standing Magazine today:
"Babies born after loss fill you with hope. They soothe your pain and fill your aching arms. But they cannot heal your heart. They cannot fill the space that belongs to their sibling. And for every blissful moment of joy they bring - there is heartbreak woven through it all."
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