Panic

I am supposed to fly to Poland next week for Papa's burial. I haven't booked a flight yet and of course since I waited so long, I am having issues finding the flight I would want.
Panic is starting to set in. I don't want to leave Samantha. The thought of being so far from her is killing me. The thought that I won't be able to come back right away if I have to scares the living daylights out of me. The thought that something may happen to me and I won't come back to her is haunting my thoughts constantly.Thinking about leaving her and being so far from her is making me shake and cry. I know Sean can do it and he's an amazing dad and I have complete faith in him. It's everything else that is making me want to scream. However, if I DON'T go, I know that I will regret that forever. I won't be there for the burial, I won't be there for more closure, and I won't be there with more family. So hard....