So I had my first freak out. I used the Doppler this morning and couldn't find baby's heartbeat. Looking back, I probably could have tried a bit longer. But as a woman who experienced a still born, I freaked out. I started to cry and imagine the worst. I called my doctor's office and rushed in so I could have an ultrasound done. As soon as I saw the screen, I didn't see a flicker. My heart stopped. Then the lady turned the sound on and the beautiful sound of the baby's heartbeat filled the room. Years began to fall. I cried with such relief. I met with my doctor and apologized. He understood and told me to do it any time.
I hate that this is my life. I hate that I'm so scared. I can't be happy. I thought it was over. I thought I jinxed it by telling people I was pregnant.
But baby is ok... For now.
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