A new year

2014 has come upon us, yet I feel a little like the same me. I'm getting older, my daughter is getting older, and time is passing by. And though years now go by almost as fast as days, I am still missing a piece of my heart. Time has not healed the wound and I am still not the person I once was. I may laugh at a joke or not shed tears everyday, but I am not the happy person I would like to be. I don't think I ever will be. It affects my life. It affects my relationships. But my son was taken from me and I don't think I will ever be the person I am "supposed" to be. There is always something missing. I don't know how else to describe it. It's just a piece missing. It's a constant sadness that won't go away. It's a continuous bitterness that comes over whenever there is joy. It's the feeling of guilt whenever I feel at all happy. It has changed me. And I don't know if I will ever be what people expect me to be. And I don't know if my life will ever be truly satisfied or happy. I hope that it doesn't push the people around from me. I hope that it doesn't affect my daughter's life or happiness. But it is who I am now and it's something I have to learn to accept if I can not change it.