So I am in the hospital due to back surgery. I really can't catch a break. I can't believe that my back issues have led me to actually get surgery. A surgery I never wanted nor expected to get. But the doctor said it was necessary. That I am way past physical therapy and cortisone shots. I had an extremely big herniated disc. The doctor and his assistant were both surprised that I wasn't cringing in pain just laying in the bed.
Well, so I went in for surgery yesterday. I was alone in the pre-op room just waiting for my turn. I had to wait about an hour. And I must admit, I was quite scared. I'm not one to scare easily. I have faith in our doctors and nurses. I have faith that I was getting the best treatment. But then there is that thought "what if?". I mean, I had a healthy, beautiful baby boy that was taken from me for absolutely no reason, so how do I know if I would make it through a routine procedure? I have a lot more anxiety since I lost Jack. So during most of the time in pre-op, I had tears running down my face. All I could do was hope that I would make it back to Samantha and Sean safe and sound. And I did. I am in pain, I have a numb foot that I can barely move, I am scared sh*tless that I will never walk normal again because of the foot, but I am here. I am able to see my daughter again. And I miss her! I haven't seen her since yesterday afternoon and it's KILLING me. Hopefully I will be going home today.
Please keep positive thoughts heading my way that I will recover.
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