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Friday, August 23, 2013
Group Angel
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Tuesday, August 20, 2013
When?????
Ugh!! Samantha still has not adjusted to daycare. She still cries when I drop her off and when I pick her up, she's crying as she is brought to the door. Yes, the lady says she does well. She plays well with the other kids, she doesn't cry all day, and she says she is a very good baby. But why is it still so hard??? I thought Samantha would adjust faster. I thought by now, I would be able to drop her off and she would go to daycare easily. Nope... She still wants her mommy. It's more painful than I ever thought it would be. I just can't wait for her to be used to it and know that I will always come back for her. When that happens, it will be easier on everyone!
Friday, August 16, 2013
And so it begins....
Soooo Samantha is sick. LOL. Yes, after only a few days in daycare, my daughter had a fever and now has a cold. Maybe it was from her birthday party or from my friends' kids who are sick, but I HATE seeing her like this. All she wants is me, she sounds terrible, and she is so cranky. I know, I know, it's first of MANY colds to come, but it's still heartbreaking. I just want her to be healthy and happy and right now she is complete opposite. She's still the amazing Samantha who will push through and give us a smile or a kiss, but I can see (and hear) she is suffering.
She still has not adjusted to the daycare. She still cries when I drop her off. However, the lady says that she is doing very well and plays well with the kids. That makes me happy. I just can't wait to be able to drop her off without her breaking my heart with her cries for "Mama".
It's so funny how I used to even roll my eyes at my friends and family who were moms complaining about dropping kids off at daycare or school. I thought to myself, "I won't be like that". I thought that it would be easy. I thought since it's good for them, I would be ok with it. Ohhhhh was that the farthest from the truth. It's so, so hard. It breaks my heart everyday. I hate seeing her cry. And I hate not being with her every second of everyday. But I know it's best for her. I know she needs it. And I know I need it too.
So to all you mothers out there who haven't dropped your baby off yet, it's hard. It's freaking hard! But just remember, it's harder on you than on them!
She still has not adjusted to the daycare. She still cries when I drop her off. However, the lady says that she is doing very well and plays well with the kids. That makes me happy. I just can't wait to be able to drop her off without her breaking my heart with her cries for "Mama".
It's so funny how I used to even roll my eyes at my friends and family who were moms complaining about dropping kids off at daycare or school. I thought to myself, "I won't be like that". I thought that it would be easy. I thought since it's good for them, I would be ok with it. Ohhhhh was that the farthest from the truth. It's so, so hard. It breaks my heart everyday. I hate seeing her cry. And I hate not being with her every second of everyday. But I know it's best for her. I know she needs it. And I know I need it too.
So to all you mothers out there who haven't dropped your baby off yet, it's hard. It's freaking hard! But just remember, it's harder on you than on them!
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Daycare
This morning, at 8:30 AM, I dropped Samantha off at daycare for the first time. Yes, I have been through a lot in the past few years. I have seen hell. I have experienced death and heart ache. Yet, today was hard on me. Very, very hard. My baby girl is one year old and it's time for her to be separated from mommy for a few hours a day. And it's time for her to socialize with other children and learn to share. But leaving her there was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Samantha is at my leg asking to be picked up. She is not in my ear saying "mama". She is not completely dependent on ME today. I miss her a lot. I miss having her follow me around. I miss watching her play. I miss hearing her voice. I miss being able to hug and kiss her whenever I want to. And I am watching the clock constantly. I can not wait to pick her up!!! And yet, this is the first of many times that I will cringe and cry because I realize that my baby girl is growing up. It's the first of many times that she will not be with me constantly. And it's the first of many times that I will be leaving her at daycare or at school.
Time to have another one they say. In a perfect world, that would be the situation. I would have 10 if I could. Money is an issue. If you didn't realize, babies and kids cost money. And of course, the main concern... Can Sean and I even have anymore kids? Maybe one day. Maybe in the future. Maybe we will have another miracle. But for now, I am enjoying my daughter. I am still learning. I am still focusing everything I have on her.
Let's just hope these daycare days get easier!!!
Time to have another one they say. In a perfect world, that would be the situation. I would have 10 if I could. Money is an issue. If you didn't realize, babies and kids cost money. And of course, the main concern... Can Sean and I even have anymore kids? Maybe one day. Maybe in the future. Maybe we will have another miracle. But for now, I am enjoying my daughter. I am still learning. I am still focusing everything I have on her.
Let's just hope these daycare days get easier!!!
Thursday, August 8, 2013
My birthday girl
Well, the day has come and gone. My daughter has turned one year old. Did she notice when I sang her happy birthday this morning? Did she realize her shirt that she wore all day said "birthday girl"? Nope. Probably not. But I sure did. This has been one hell of a year. It's been amazing. It has taught me so much. It has been filled with so many memories.
Samantha's existence has shown me how important life is. She is the reason why I am alive. She is the reason why I get up in the morning. She is the reason why, even after losing Jack, I had to keep going.
Having Samantha has caused Sean and me to have fights. Having Samantha has taken away from our alone times. But most importantly, our daughter has taught us to love each other more because of the love we have for her. We know that we need to be ok and to be strong in our love for her. We know that we have to set an example for her.
It's been an amazing year and I know we have many, many more to come. And I have learned that I need to cherish every moment of everyday of every week. I can't wait to see all her new developments and firsts. I can't wait to do more with her. I can't wait to see what her personality develops into.
Happy 1st birthday, my beautiful girl. I love you very much.
Samantha's existence has shown me how important life is. She is the reason why I am alive. She is the reason why I get up in the morning. She is the reason why, even after losing Jack, I had to keep going.
Having Samantha has caused Sean and me to have fights. Having Samantha has taken away from our alone times. But most importantly, our daughter has taught us to love each other more because of the love we have for her. We know that we need to be ok and to be strong in our love for her. We know that we have to set an example for her.
It's been an amazing year and I know we have many, many more to come. And I have learned that I need to cherish every moment of everyday of every week. I can't wait to see all her new developments and firsts. I can't wait to do more with her. I can't wait to see what her personality develops into.
Happy 1st birthday, my beautiful girl. I love you very much.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
One Year
I remember last year. It seems so far away. I was waiting in anticipation to meet my baby girl. I was afraid of losing her. I was afraid I would give birth to silent baby again. But I am grateful to say that I remember her cries vividly. I cried with joy looking at Sean saying: "she's crying. She's ok!" Then, as I was being sewed back up, I was given my beautiful baby girl to hold. Tears streamed down my face. I never experienced such relief and gratitude and joy and sadness all balled into one great big emotion.
First time I met my baby girl and got to hold her:
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Jack's Story
My beautiful boy's story on the Return to Zero blog....
http://returntozerothemovie.com/blog/?p=1275
http://returntozerothemovie.com/blog/?p=1275
Friday, August 2, 2013
Happy Birthday, Papo
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