Appreciation

As my daughter nears her first birthday (where has the time gone???), I look at her and my life and am learning to appreciate things. Sure, I'm still bitter and negative. Sure, I still think life is unfair and cruel. But there are the things that I am grateful for.

I am grateful for the material things that Sean and I have. We are able to have fun and make memories because we have certain "toys". We get to do stuff that we enjoy to do like boating or riding on four wheelers. I am grateful for the roof over our heads. We may not be homeowners, but I truly feel like the house we live in is our home and I would not mind growing old in this house.
I am grateful for my friends and family. They have been there for me through thick and thin. Tough times call for desperate measures, and I can honestly, truly say that a lot of the people in my life have been there for me through A LOT. I could not imagine how things would have gone if we didn't have certain people in our lives. Having people to count on is something that I hope everyone can say they have. It's a real blessing.
I am grateful for my husband. We have our ups and downs. We have our fights. We have had our doubts. We have gone through the hardest heartbreak that anyone could go through. I can truly say that I don't want to live without him. I could not imagine my life without him; even with the downs. He has seen me at my worst, he has been there for me through everything that I have been through especially recently, and when it comes down to it, I don't know where I would be without him. And he is an amazing father which makes me love him anymore.
I am grateful for Jack. He made me a mom. He made me the mother I am today. He taught me that life is short and that we need to appreciate things and not sweat the small stuff. He taught Sean and I how much we need each other. I am grateful to have a son. I am grateful that I have a picture of him that I can look at everyday. I am grateful that we were able to spread his ashes in a place that Sean and I both love and where we can visit him since we did not bury him. I am grateful that when I saw him, I could say I saw an angel.
I am grateful for my darling baby girl, Samantha. She is the smartest, most beautiful baby. I watch her in awe everyday. As I look at her, I can honestly say that she is why I am meant to be alive today. I am grateful for her ability to make me smile no matter how bad my day is going. I am grateful for her facial expressions and her laugh. I am grateful that I can see my father in her. She is the most extraordinary thing that has happened to Sean and me. She is our miracle and she amazes me every single day.

The days are still hard. I still question my life. And I am still mourning the loss of my son. But there are things in my life that I really do appreciate. All the things and experiences that I have had and still have in my life teach me that. I will never be the same because of losing Jack, but I still do appreciate the important things in my life.