One year ago today, I had the worst day of my life. I lost my son. I lost the son that had grown inside me for 38 weeks. The son I was so ready and excited to meet. The son that made Sean and me so happy. We lost our boy for reasons we will never know. It was not "not meant to be". It was not "not someone's plan". It was purely tragic and sad. We had to hold him at 9:15 PM as a sleeping baby. He did not cry out and scream for his mother. He did not shiver in the cold room. Sean did not get to cut his cord. I did not get see his eyes open. Instead, we held our dead son in our arms for a few minutes and said our good byes.
Our son is turning one today and we don't get to celebrate. We don't get to throw him a birthday party and hug him on this special day. Instead, the mourning continues and the grief strikes us all over again. A year's time made no difference in my broken heart. It is just as strong. It is just as powerful. I am just as sad.
Sean, Samantha, and I will be spending the day together. We are a family. The four of us. I just wish that our son was here so that he could spend it with us.
Happy 1st birthday in heaven, my sweet angel prince. We miss you, Jack. More than ever.....
Happy birthday in heaven, little Jack.
ReplyDeleteJackie2200