Comparison of grief

Losing Jack was the worst thing ever. I don't think I will ever feel a pain like that again. Or at least I hope I don't. My aunt said to me the other day that when my sister called her the day I lost Jack, she had never heard so much hurt and anguish in any one's voice like she did in mine. It was a heart wrenching pain that I can not even begin to describe in words. And now that my father has passed, I am dealing with grief again. It's just a little different. I don't feel the same kind of pain and heart ache. Instead, I feel more sadness and I miss him so much. Sad. That's the best word to describe it. Painful was the word for losing Jack. I truly just miss my father. I guess I can't say that miss Jack because I never actually met him. But with my father, I miss his smile, I miss his voice, I miss his jokes and stories, I miss his kindness, I miss his smell, I miss his hands, I miss the way he'd tell me he loves me. I spent today with my mother for her birthday and I wish so badly that he could have been there. Jack and my father will always be missing in family gatherings. Again, I have to keep asking the question of "now what?". Will I have to grieve again in the near future? I am kind of sick of heart break....