The Big Day

Well, she is here. Samantha Jacklyn is our rainbow, take home baby. She is healthy and alive and I have a living child. Her big brother and angel is watching over us and everything went well. And I have him to thank for that.

On August 8, 2012, Sean and I went to the hospital to check in at 9:30 AM. After checking in, we were sent to the prep room where I was put on an IV and a monitor. We got to listen to Sam's heart beat as we waited. Music to my ears. As I lied there, though, I felt like I was there for some other surgery other than a c-section to give birth to my daughter. Finally, right before noon, we walked to the OR. Sean waited in my recovery area as I went to the room alone. The first sight of the room brought back the memories of my Jack Jack. The aura in the room was definitely a lot different though. The nurses were joking around, music was playing, and my doctor was in much better spirits. I was still a nervous wreck. I laughed at a joke here or there but deep down I just wanted to know that my baby girl would be ok.

Sean was finally allowed to come to the room. He looked nervous. But he was there to hold my hand. The tears were flowing. The nurse asked if they were tears of joy. I said yes but also tears of fear. Both the doctors that were there for Jack were there for Sam. I liked that. After a bit, at 12:30 PM, I finally heard it. I heard Samantha's first cries. My tears got stronger. The thing that I had been waiting for happened. I heard my live daughter crying her eyes out as she came out. I got a quick look and she and Sean were taken from me.

When I finally got to hold her to my chest, I couldn't help but think that Jack was there with us as part of our family. He was watching over us and everything turned out ok. My daughter is alive and healthy.

The recovery room was terrible. Sean came and went as he went to see our daughter. I lied in the bed begging my legs and toes to move so that I could go see my daughter. I was getting updates from Sean and friends of her in the nursery but I just wanted to go to her.

The rest of the day was pretty much a happy blur. My daughter is gorgeous and I was so happy to finally hold her and love her and just give her all my attention. People came and went and the day went by with smiles, tears, and love.

It's her 5th day being in the world, and she's home with us, but it still has not hit me that Sean and I have a daughter. I don't know what it feels like but I just don't feel like I have a child of my own. I don't know when it will hit me. But no matter what, I love her. I love her more than anything in this world. But I still miss Jack. I still miss him more than anything in this world. I wish he was here with us. I wish he was the big brother he is supposed to be. Samantha will know that her big brother is an angel watching over her. Forever.

Here is my little girl: