Fear

As the days pass, the new fears continue to unfold. When she coughs, I get scared. When she goes to bed, I hope and pray that she will be breathing when I wake up. I'm scared she will choke on her own spit up. I'm scared that she will roll over and get stuck in the bars of the crib. So many fears, so little room in my heart and head. Again, I ask Jack to watch over his sister. He is her guardian angel and I want him to always make sure she is ok. Am I asking too much of him? He's my baby too. He's supposed to be my little boy that I should be worrying about too. Instead, he has the responsibility of looking after his family. I want him to always know that he is our son and Sam's big brother. No matter what. No matter how much time passes. Jack, you are loved. You are missed. And the pain does not go away.