As time gets closer, the fear is still getting stronger. I had another dream that I lost baby girl. I woke up this morning and did what I do every morning: in my head, I say: "Samantha, please move for mommy". I wait and I wait and I begin to freak out. I get up to let the dogs out and come back to lay down. If she doesn't move, I will use the heart monitor though I don't want to freak Sean out. Finally, a push.
This fear is great and overwhelming. I have never had this kind of fear before and I do not wish it upon anyone. I know because of what I went through, my disease-like situation will make everyone else fearful. Or at least some people. But no one can know the fear unless they have gone through the heart wrenching pain of losing a child. And again, I hope NO ONE I know goes through it.
2 o'clock can't come soon enough.
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