The movie, Return to Zero, premiered on Saturday night. What an emotional movie. I cried a lot, of course. But I also laughed and smirked and nodded at so many moments that I could relate to. The comments people would make, the things the actors would say, the feelings the parents would feel, and the experiences they went through. It was so validating to know that I am not alone in the bitterness and sadness and anger. I thought about the movie all of Saturday night while going to bed. I dreamed about it. I watched it again on Sunday with Sean and dreamed about it again last night. It really, really hit me and it really is important to me. I am so glad that I watched and I will watch it again. I hope that all my friends and that people know me watch it at least one day. It really shows a glimpse into the world that Sean and I are part of now.
The birth scene was the hardest. I kicked myself again and again asking myself, "WHY DID YOU NOT DO A NATURAL BIRTH?!?!?" If only I could rewind time.
As the credits rolled, I waited for Jack's name. When it came up, I cried and cried. My baby's memory on screen. My baby's memory part of a movie about stillbirth. My Jack Jack.
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