Another reason to be sad

Today is my parents' 43rd wedding anniversary. As I look at this picture:

I get the frog in my throat, I get the weight at the pit of my stomach, and I get teary eyed. I miss my father a lot. A LOT, A LOT. I always expected to lose my father sooner than later. I always knew the day was coming that it would happen. I didn't think I would miss him as much because of the frustrations I felt and because I knew it would happen. But I do miss him so much that it hurts. When I look at Samantha, I see him. When I look at Samantha, I wish that he was still here to see her and love on her. It literally causes me pain that she won't get to know him.
And of course, the sadness I feel for not having my mother as much as I want to. The sadness I feel that my mother wanted to be a grandmother more than anything and now she can't even enjoy it. The sadness I feel when I see my mother and I can't even hold a conversation with her. The sadness I feel when I can't call my mother to ask her for advice. The sadness I feel when I remember not being able to cry on my mother's shoulder when I lost Jack.

I have the most amazing parents ever. They were the best when I was little, when I was a teenager, and when I became an adult. They were there for me. They supported me and they loved me. I am SO grateful that they are my parents. And I miss them even more because of that.