Last week was pretty hard on me. Things piled up relating to my loss and I had a mini breakdown. I had to deal with some stupid remarks. People don't know how to handle the situation, I get that. But I do not understand why some people do not think about what words they use before comparing, relating, or talking about my loss. Yes it's been 2 years and yes people go through heart ache and hard times. But don't think you get what Sean and I have been through. You have no idea until you deliver and hold your dead baby.
Another thing that happened was that I was talking to a student of mine. I know he has one big sister in the school with him. He mentioned having a brother so I asked him how many other sisters and brothers he has. He went on and told me his siblings and said, my mom would have had more babies but she lost one. Ugh... I told him how sad that is and that that happened to me too. I can only picture that Samantha will be asked that question all the time in her future. Will she answer like that? Will she talk about her angel brother?
Then I dealt with family. Oh family. You gotta love them, right? Well you would also think that family knows you best and saw you when you were going through losing your son. Well if that's the case, why are you going to say things about only having one grandson? Or why are you going to tell me that Samantha needs siblings? Rub it in.
Well after dealing with all this, I was out with friends and had to have my mini breakdown in a bathroom. I can't always hold it in. I just can't. I have my moments alone, I talk and cry to Jack, and I have this blog. But sometimes I just have to let it out to someone. Especially someone other than Sean so I can let out the anger and the frustration. I'll tell you this, I'm not the same person and it's still so, so hard. I cry again as I write this....
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