Grave

There are moments when I do with we buried Jack. There are moments when I wish that I could visit a headstone and sit with Jack and talk to him. He is always around my neck at least. Always with me. And Rocky Lake is his grave site. But it's also far. And the times that I can't go, it makes me sad. It makes me sad that I'm not visiting my son. I'm not spending time with him. 

When I have my moments on the dock at Rocky Lake, tears fill my eyes as I talk to Jack. I tell him about what's going on in our lives. I tell him about how his sister is growing up. I ask him about Papa and ask if they're together. If we had a headstone somewhere closer, I could do this more often. And something is different about having him in an urn. 

Our lives have changed in so many ways. We have so many ups and downs. I don't know what the future is holding for us. I just know that this pain in my heart is not going away and I want to visit my son and see him so badly.