Another new beginning

So I have started a new job. I am enjoying it. I love my co-workers, I love my bosses, and I love the school. I hope it's for the long run.

However, new job means new people. And new people means people who don't know about Jack. Sure I have talked about Samantha. But Jack hasn't "come up" yet. I feel guilty that I don't talk about him. But do I randomly say, "by the way, I have a son too but he died." It came up in conversation with one person and I told her about him right away. But only because it was a moment when it made sense to talk about him. And of course she got "chills" and you can hear the sympathy in her voice. 

Argh, it's hard. So hard. And I miss him. And his memory seems to be getting too distant and that scares the sh*t out of me. I can't believe it's almost 3 years. I don't want time to go by so fast because I feel like it will fade too much. No matter what though, he crosses my mind all day, everyday.... 

Papa's Birthday

It is not the first time his birthday has come around without him here, but his birthday is a day when I miss my father even more than usual. I think about him all the time, but days like today, I think of him at every second. I wish so badly that he was here. I wish he had just a little bit longer than he did so he could see Samantha. I wish so badly that he had just a little bit longer so that he could be here to tell me everything will be ok. I wish he had just a little bit longer so he could be in Poland this year for the 70th anniversary of the Warsaw Uprising which he was part of. I miss my Papa. I miss him A LOT. It breaks my heart that he is still not here. Losing Jack was a tragedy. It was horrible, unexpected, and it shouldn't happen to anyone. Losing Papa was not. He died because he was old. He died because it was his time. But I still him constantly and I still wish that it didn't happen when it did. I wish that there was just a little bit more time that he could spend with his granddaughter.

Papo, if you can hear me: I love you. Kocham cie bardzo. You are always on my mind and I appreciate everything you have done for me in my life. You were the most amazing man that I am SO proud to call MY father. I hope that where ever you are, you are celebrating your birthday with your parents, with Strycio W, and with Jack.