Still hard

I write happy birthday on people's Facebook all the time. I always thought it was a nice reminder of people's birthdays that I would never know it was their birthday or for people around the world that I usually wouldn't call or write. But ever since losing Jack, the word "birthday" is still hard for me to say and write. I don't like the word anymore. I cringe every time it comes to my mind. Soon after Jack, I couldn't even let myself write it on Facebook. I would "miss" people's birthdays because I didn't want to write the word. 

Jack died before his birthday. Can I even called October 3rd his BIRTHday? I do anyway. Jack's date of death was before his birth. I can never explain how that feels. However, as the years pass, I want to celebrate his birthday no matter what. He deserves just as much as everyone else does, if not more. He is our son and he is amazing and he needs to be celebrated and not forgotten.