Still hard

I write happy birthday on people's Facebook all the time. I always thought it was a nice reminder of people's birthdays that I would never know it was their birthday or for people around the world that I usually wouldn't call or write. But ever since losing Jack, the word "birthday" is still hard for me to say and write. I don't like the word anymore. I cringe every time it comes to my mind. Soon after Jack, I couldn't even let myself write it on Facebook. I would "miss" people's birthdays because I didn't want to write the word. 

Jack died before his birthday. Can I even called October 3rd his BIRTHday? I do anyway. Jack's date of death was before his birth. I can never explain how that feels. However, as the years pass, I want to celebrate his birthday no matter what. He deserves just as much as everyone else does, if not more. He is our son and he is amazing and he needs to be celebrated and not forgotten. 

Tragedy

A tragic event has struck a local family. A horrific boat accident has taken the lives of 4 people, including someone we somewhat know. I can not begin to imagine losing a child (again). I can't imagine living through such a terrible tragedy. And I can't imagine seeing my 20 year old lifeless daughter floating in the water. My heart aches for these families. I get emotional thinking about it. The emotions remind me of Jack and how I felt when I lost him. My mind just imagines how it would be like if I lost Samantha. I know I don't and can't compare the feelings that the parents and siblings of the lost ones are feeling. But being a parent and being a parent to a baby I have lost, I just feel extra emotions these days. And at the same time, the feelings of appreciation have come back stronger. I am grateful for the family I have, I am grateful for the friends I have, and I am grateful for the life I have (most of it). To be somewhat dramatic, I can say that I have had some bad luck these past few years. But losing Jack, and now from this, I try to remember that life is short and we never know what will happen. We need to appreciate what we have and tell everyone we love them before it's too late. I have regrets and they suck. And I don't want anymore. I want the people in my life to know I care about them and love them. I want to spend time with my family and enjoy every moment and make plenty of memories. I want Jack to be talked about more and I want his memory as a son and brother to live on forever.

Live your life to the fullest as much as you can. I know we can't all travel the world including myself. But cherish the moments you live. Life really is short.