Death

I'm used to death. Especially with an older generation. It doesn't hit me as hard I guess. But it still plain sucks. There's no other way to describe it. My uncle passed away today. Another loss in my life. My father's brother, the uncle I am closest to, the father of my cousins has passed away. I was there. Samantha was there. I cried. I watched my cousins and aunt cry. 

I continue to wonder what the afterlife is like. I continue to hope that there is a heaven where we can see our loved ones again. I only hoped that Papa left us and went to Jack. And now I can only hope that my uncle and father are together with their parents. Will I be able to see them again? I know it's a question many people have, but with all the recent losses in my life, I can only wonder.... 

Rest in peace, Strycio. 

In the face of another experience

A teacher at my school faced a loss yesterday. She was pregnant with a baby who's future was bleak no matter what she did. Her baby was destined to die. She decided to carry the baby until two days ago, she went in for an appointment, and they could not find a heart beat. Devastating news. Even if you are expecting it one day.
She went in yesterday for a termination. Not natural labor, not a C-section, but a termination. I felt awful. I told her my regrets. I told her how important it is to spend time with her daughter. I told her she IS a mother and that baby IS her daughter. I told how much I regret not spending more time with Jack. I told her much I wish I had more pictures of him. However, it's her choice, it's her life, and she did the termination. It saddens me, it angers me, and it devastates me. I HATE that people have to go through with this. It's not fair. How can God let women suffer like this? How can God give us children and simply take them away? Why give them to us in the first place???? I don't like to be this bitter, angry person who questions the existence of God, but what can you expect from me? People turn to God for answers but I can't find a decent one for this.
To my coworker, to the other women who have dealt with loss, to the women who feel the raw emotions that I feel, I am sorry. I am so very truly sorry for your loss and I wish that we never had to feel such pain and heart ache that we will live with forever.